Comparison’s a Bitch

Morgan McCarthy in the blue

The offshore breeze was cool, but the sun was just warm enough to make it worth it. The water was the type of clear green-blue that mermaids dream about. The beach was clean, sweeping and vacant. The waves; perfect size for one with my slightly nervy disposition, and only dotted with a handful of neoprene-clad dots. A weekend for the ages.

As I raced into the water, I let out an excited "yeeeaaaaahhhaaaa" before jumping on my board. This was going to be great.

A few minutes passed... it was beautiful out there.

A few more minutes passed... I was just waiting for the right wave.

Half an hour passed... I saw another girl catch a few waves. I can do that too...

Almost an hour... wow, she was catching quite a few. So was everybody else around me. It's ok, I'll get the next one...

Heading towards an hour and a half... I realised it wasn't my day. Again. And so began the paddle in. I was angry. I was sad. I was disappointed in myself. How come she can do it? I know I'm good at this, why can't I make my body just do it? Just like her. Just like everybody else...

Comparing myself to other surfers is something I always do, despite knowing it is bad for my own mental and physical development in the water. Yet I still do it.

I also compare myself to people with; better clothes, better jobs, better friends... you get the idea, and I'm sure you get this feeling, because we all do it! Subconsciously, we are always self-evaluating and weighing up how good we are in comparison to others - looks, jobs, lifestyle. It's actually called Social Comparison Theory. This phrase wasn't coined until the 50s, and I'd be interested to know how much this phenomenon has increased since then due to things like social media... I digress.

As a smart woman I know that determining my own self-worth based on someone else's is just not on! I also recognise when I am doing it and know that it's unhealthy. Most people that regularly engage in these negative comparative thoughts feel deeply dissatisfied on the regular. This is something I can attest to.

While there are apparently some positives to engaging in this theory, it also obviously has an impact on our mental health. Something I can also attest to. So, what can we do?

Gratitude is a good place to start. But I hear you - blah, blah, gratitude blah. It's almost a throw away word now. But if we are really serious about overcoming this social comparison glass ceiling, it's genuinely important to appreciate what it is that you have, as there will always be someone who wishes they had just that. We can focus on our strengths and then use the comparison as a goal of where we want to end up because of these strengths. And if we must compare, compare old with new; how far have you come in this quest for life?

For me?

1. Appreciate that I have the ability to get out in the ocean whenever I want. I can do this safely and with ease. The nature around me is awe inspiring and I am one in a million that gets to experience this daily.

2. My determination is a strength, and means I will never give up on what I truly desire in my life.

3. I have grown tremendously over the past 5 years, but particularly since massively injuring my foot in a surfing accident. I am proud of what I went through and who I am now because of it. This, if nothing else, is something that I can fall back on. I know who I am.

So tomorrow I won't waste this gratitude, this recognition of strengths and this pride, because someone else wishes they were in my shoes...